There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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