Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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