I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
