I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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