Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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