I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
