you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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