have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
