I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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