Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
