We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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