just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
