Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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