Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
