We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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