Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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