Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
