Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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