scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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