Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize