onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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