Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
