Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
