I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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