You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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