he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
