apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We got so high we made milksteak
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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