I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
