I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
