i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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