and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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