The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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