i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
