Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she told me i tasted like america
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize