HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
