if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
