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My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
