then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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