Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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