it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
