my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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