Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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