you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
