God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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