come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize