Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
