Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
