in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
