Soap is not a condiment
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize