In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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