So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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