We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
