Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
