Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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