awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize