My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
