Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize