If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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