The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
