You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You took a bar mat shot.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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