3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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