Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
