I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am one with the molecules
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
